Something Beneath the Surface
by remthedogsitter
Summary: Something that was never supposed to be there, im sad and im hurt, but i know this is for the best.... for you


**Something beneath the Surface**

Hao Pov.

My last night with you, so unaware, you tell me good night and settle down beside me, a contented smile on your face as you close your eyes, I feel my heart clench as I look down at you.

I look down at you as you sleep, I feel you curl up closer to me, I don't really know if you're aware or not little brother, but it was completely my fault that I had never openly allowed you to do this when you were conscious, to be your comfort when you cried, I always took your affection for granted. I knew you loved me more than a brother should, but… so did I, and I had a feeling you knew all along, but I seemed to just push all my feelings away… wanting to feel nothing, not wanting to feel pain… the pain that you helped me bear, the pain you took away.

_True love can never be found where it does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does…_

Where it does exist it can never be hidden or suppressed can it… I can't stop this feeling every time you're around me, my heart races; you always put a smile on my face.

What a disappointment I must have been, so alike you in looks, yet so unlike you in temper, I can never be who you deserve, you deserve someone more caring.

But I do care for you, because I love you… but I could never bring myself to tell you did I? I was such a coward, I always shrugged of the feeling of weakness and pushing myself harder, to prove that I never knew what it was like to be weak, but inside I not as strong as I appear to be… you were the only person who knew and saw that I cried.

_You make me strong,_

_Just like you make me weak_.

It's really true what they say, that people look more innocent when their asleep, and of course you were no exception, a caring person who had given his love to me, who surrendered himself to me in a way I never did expect. But yet…. I can never become what you deserve, if only I had opened up sooner to you.

My own fault, like the many others I committed in the past, but only one of the few I regret.

"I love you so much it hurts"

_It just wasn't enough _

_I loved you too much_

I don't want to cause you pain again, ever as the memory of almost killing you haunts me, it tears at my soul every night, yet at those times I would wake up to find your arms around me asking me if everything was alright, I would find you there for me, willing to listen and comfort me, but I never did tell you about my these, not wanting to worry you. I would slip out of your arms and tell you nothing was wrong, even through I feel like a dagger stabs me every time I lie to you, telling you to go back to sleep and not sleeping at all myself for the rest of the night, knowing the nightmares would just come back.

_You gave me a reason to no longer fight_

_I was comforted in the warmth of you light,_

I had listened to you, I stopped killing and had a new purpose to live through, the purpose of protecting you, wanting to be there for you… and I have you to thank for that, you taught me to care again, that one thing I thought I would never experience again

I looked out the window and know I'm running out of time.

I slip out of bed and look down once again at you; at first you softly whisper my name and half open your eyes, "Hao….."

"Yes, Yoh I'm here for you don't worry, go back to sleep" you look back at me questioningly "Big brother….?" I bend down slowly and kiss you softly, just one last time.

"Just go back to sleep… I love you, don't forget that"

"I know, big brother, I know… I love you to…"

You close your eyes again, I wait awhile and quietly go outside, turning my back on you who's saved me, from my hate, my darkness and myself, you who took away my pain, helped me carry this burden…

I know this would be better for the both of us; I would be putting you through less pain than it would have been if I were to stay.

Sleep well Yoh, when you wake I will have left you forever, letting you live the life you deserve with the good friends you have surrounded yourself with.

As I walk away I don't look back, it something you learn in life, never dwell on what is behind you.

It was you who changed me; it was you who rescued me.

You knew a part of me no one else knew,

A side of me no one else thought I had,

You were the only one who knew I cried.


End file.
